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Book Review

Book Review: Alice in Zombieland

Alice in Zombieland
White Rabbit Chronicles, Book 1
By Gena Showalter
Released: 2013

 

She won’t rest until she’s sent every walking corpse back to its grave. Forever.

If anyone had told Alice Bell that her entire life would change course between one heartbeat and the next, she would have laughed. From blissful to tragic, innocent to ruined? Please. But that’s all it took. One heartbeat. A blink, a breath, a second, and everything she knew and loved was gone.

Her father was right. The monsters are real.

To avenge her family, Ali must learn to fight the undead. To survive, she must learn to trust the baddest of the bad boys, Cole Holland. But Cole has secrets of his own, and if Ali isn’t careful, those secrets might just prove to be more dangerous than the zombies.


*walks up to mic*
*tap*tap*tap*
*clears throat*

Are you ready for this??? Are you absolutely certain?! Because I don’t even have a ½ star defined on my rating system…

 

◈ ▹▹▹ WARNING: RANT AHEAD! ◃◃◃ ◈

 

What I was anticipating:
-» Zombies!
-» An Alice in Wonderland retelling
-» A Harlequin Teen romance

What I was given:
Lies!Lies!Lies!

 

She won’t rest until she’s sent every walking corpse back to its grave. Forever.

Oooooookay, let’s address the giant elephant first. Whoever is responsible for the description did NOT read this book. There are NO REANIMATED WALKING CORPSES—therefore there are NO ZOMBIES in Alice in Zombieland. Books go through an editing process right? I’m thinking some must slip through the cracks…

I’m all for a new spin on a zombie tale, but come on people… call them what they are in this case: demonic spirits. Calling the spirits “zombies” simply because you want to is a misnomer, NOT a new twist. A new twist would be traits or actions of zombies, how to kill or fight them, what they eat, where they’re located (you know, like Zombieland?!), the ability to control them, etc. etc. On the other hand, a new twist is NOT evil spirits that smell like rotting corpses and have a classic zombie appearance (a.k.a. Mfugly spirits).

For all I know, in the spirit realm there the same malevolent spirits that take the form of vampires and the whole range of humanoid myths. Clearly they have to be zombies in the book then, because she said so. Anyone know the Haitian zombies? Right, so we’re back to zombies being reanimated corpses. Whew, my argument stands. The undead are soulless physical humanoids—often demonic, but some shine like diamonds in the sun (hahaha).

Now, don’t even get me started on the massive holes in the descriptions of these demon spirits. Okay just one, because I’m here for a rant-a-tant I’ll let you know my favorite conundrum: The evil spirits can ONLY attack the slayers while the slayers are in the out-of-body spirit realm and vice versa… BUT those same evilette spirits can attack a non-slayer’s spirit without their knowledge while in the physical realm until they croak and become one of them. On that point (I guess I lied too) there was ONE CORPOREAL ZOMBIE after all *GASP* but it still could only be killed in the spirit realm. Let me know when you’ve figured that out…

Moving on to the Alice in Wonderland retelling… lmao! What? Did I miss it? Just because there’s an ominous cloud rabbit (yes, you read that correctly), a little madness, and themed chapter titles DOES NOT equal a retelling. Someone tell me if they continued the series and Ali has since fallen down the rabbit hole and met the Queen of Hearts. Honestly, the story is more reminiscent of Frankenstein or Jekyll & Hyde. If you want a good YA Alice retelling, the Splintered series is decent! 😀

Annnnnnnd the romance… Where do I even begin? It’s gawdawful on so many levels and not a romance. The main pair just want to fuck. There I said it. Romance and sex are not the same thing. Stop befuddling the two writers! Nothing but hormonal lust was established—except if you count the controlling toxic masculinity.

For those of you who DNF this book because the first “meet cute” for Ali and whatshisname was that they locked eyes, went into a shared dreamscape, and basically had sex right there… You made the right choice because it didn’t get any better. Turns out this happens every day when they first lock eyes. ’Scuse me while I loose my cookies in my handbag. I signed up for a romance. It could have even been instalove and I wouldn’t have minded so much.

This however, was not a romance story. Drama, yes. Before the 50% marker, Ali thought they broke up even though she admitted they were never actually together. By the 80% marker they were hot and heavy again… but hell if they were actually going to have sex. This is ironic considering they almost did it in the middle of the dance floor. Oh and there was a hilarious attempt at a triangle that failed miserably so I almost forgot to mention that sore thumb.

P.S. Kat was awesome even though I’d probably find her annoying irl 😉

 

Audiobook Performance: ★★★ ➝ Decent, however there was very little voice differentiation between characters. The writing style made it almost impossible to listen to without the physical book and keep straight what was said out loud vs. in Ali’s head.

*mic drop*
*walks off*

White Rabbit Chronicles:
Book 2: Through the Zombie Glass
Book 3: The Queen of Zombie Hearts
Book 4: A Mad Zombie Party

 

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